Writing Narrative Peephole

  Peephole Narrative

On one terrible day me and my friends went to sale around samoa.We went to go to savii to have fun with my aunt and uncle they had call me to come and visit them well I was at samoa.I was so excited to see my uncle and aunt they were the best to me they always buy me stuff for me.When we were near there someone knock on the door and said open the the door open the door.Then Oalii and Sivaenah went to open the door and it was a stranger that just ran inside the fairy with his suit cast.Then we went to him and said you can’t just run in our fairy with a suit cast.But he did not reply to us girls then I screamed so loud so my Mum and Dad can hear me.Then my Mum and Dad said what happen and Oalii said some man just come inside the fairy and just ran at the back of Jane and Oalii’s room and then we all went to Oalii and Jane room.But we had to look through the peephole first and then we rang the bell and then we got a picture of a girl and then when he look at it he open the door and Maddi ran to get the police so he can get the man out of Oalii and Jane’s room.Then when he open the door the police said hands up and he said oh no and when went to look at Oalii and Jane’s room we found his suit cast and we open it and it had lots of money in it then when we got to my aunt and uncle's house we had to look for the address of the house and we had to walk to.When we got there was a shop there so we buyed water and fizzy drinks and chips and lollies and chocolate. Then we had a lots of fun.We gave half of the money to my uncle and aunt and we eat chocolate and lollies and drink the fizzy drinks and the water.Then my uncle had to go and pack up my cousin from school.Then my uncle and my Dad went with him and when they came back I ran to my cousin and said I missed you.Then we play at the park near their house.Then for a little Well it was getting dark then we had to say goodbye to my cousin’s and my aunt and uncle and all the people in our village.After we had to get back to the fairy to go back to apia. Then when we got there we slept and Oalii had to sleep with Jane and Sivaenah and Mia had to sleep with Maddi and Norah-Jade and I had to sleep with Nina and Eva.Then when we woke up we were at Apia then we went to the air plane to come back to New Zealand.Then we eat some food on the air plane and we had to wait for four hours to get to New Zealand.When we got there I looked for my brother and my sister and when I find them I ran to them and all my other friends ran to there Mum and Dad and Brother and Sister.When I got there I called my aunt and uncle and said take care aunt and uncle.After we got home and I eat some chips from Samoa and my friends had some to.Then we went to rainbow ends and it was fun and I went with my friends to and we eat and drink some fizzy drinks to. It was a good inverted.

THE END  

Today I edit my writing with Simon I edit my writing with full stop and I had to put them in my story because I did not have that much full stop's in my story to make it better and I had to edit Simon and he had to get more full stop's to.